Love is a Choice

Love is a Choice

I recently performed a wedding ceremony. It was daunting to say the least. It has been a long time since I was in front of a crowd of 165+ people. I had been asked in March of 2014 when the couple got engaged, but had declined the honor. I had felt unprepared and felt like this couple who had truly created a powerful, loving, romantically intimate relationship deserved someone who had created the same thing in their own life. I had not. I don’t feel like it is my choice to not have that kind of a relationship, but I gave my free will up years ago to follow God and God’s will for me.

I watched the bride then spend a few months with the most ridiculous ideas for how to do the wedding without me – always stating it was going to be without me and she understood. I caved in probably in June when she decided she would be both the bride and the minister. Reluctantly I agreed to do what I did not want to do. I chose to do what I did not feel prepared to do. That is the most consistent aspect of my life I believe.

I created a ceremony especially for the couple and the crowd they were going to have at their wedding. It was a mix of family friends and business associates that spanned many basic types of people. We had the artsy people, business people, automotive people, and finally the new agers. The bride had given me a ceremony that she had felt might be a starting place, but I read it and felt it was just too inappropriately new age to reach all the other lovely people who were there to witness this union. I found myself looking at a ceremony I could never speak. I am a traditionalist. The new age wording just didn’t sit well with me, and I felt it would do the same for many of the guests, and I wanted them each to receive a very real seed from the work that this couple had done. Seeds grow in good soil and I felt that the words spoken would be the soil that would let that see grow for each person present. I chose to focus on the importance of intimacy, respect and choice in creating a loving relationship. After all, love is a choice.


Nothing is better than intimacy. I had a relationship once that was so deeply intimate I didn’t think it would not survive. The gentleman and I were so deeply connected, there was a level of transparency between us where we just knew who we each were and we loved it. We reveled in it. To me it is one of the more important aspects of building a relationship and the one most likely to get stalled by having sex too soon. Funny how sex can kill intimacy when the best sex is replete with intimacy. I spoke about what it takes to create intimacy, what it takes to keep intimacy and how much God desires deep intimacy in every consecrated relationship on this planet.


The cornerstone of any good relationship. Romantic or otherwise, respect is often the most important ingredient in any and all relationships. For me respect is a basic courtesy, but I have found that it is quickly becoming a lost art form. With out respect, there is just about no ability to create intimacy on any level. I find that even in the most basic relationships, respect is becoming lost. I believe it is about the powerful egos our society is creating where everyone just wants what they want and the rest be damned. It truly makes me sad to think that something so basic is being mitigated by shallow emotions and wants. My father was a marine and then an FBI agent, and Sir and Ma’am were an absolute part of my life. I miss it being a part of my life. You are more likely to get flipped off these days than to receive a nod of the head and a smile. But maybe that is because I live in NY. I don’t actually know.


Yes, here is the part I love. Choice is the most important aspect of love that we can have. We get to chose who we are in a relationship with, and we also get to chose to love that person. If we chose well, we can end up with a deeply loving relationship where we receive as much as we give, and that generosity of spirit fuels both parties to become the best they can be. Love, true love, unconditional love, is all about choice. We make a choice to love someone and we stick with it. We tell the truth, we respect one another, we come to aid the other when they need it, and we accept them for who they are. I love that we have choice because it means it is within each of us to grasp the most important part of life and pull it to us. No one is a victim when we chose to love. And love really is possible. If we chose it.

Between the ceremony and the vows, we had 165+ people crying during that wedding ceremony. We moved all those hearts to understand that it was not too late to create a deeply loving and intimate relationship if we simply choose to. It takes courage to build that kind of relationship, it take hard work and vulnerability. It is not for the faint of heart. But, if we do choose, and we do create it, we find ourselves in one of the best places we could every be, Happy, fulfilled and passionate about something real. Everything I have ever been looking for.

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